Just to clarify, my autobiographical cartoons are often times exaggerated and other times just plain truthful. To my recollection, my husband and I have never had this interaction. It’s more a dialogue I’ve had with a friend.

I have a friend. This friend is unmarried. Whenever I comment on how challenging/exhausting/busy family life is to said friend, they will say “Remember, you wanted this.” Nothing makes me feel more comforted and understood than the utterance of that sentence… and I am being very sarcastic by the way.

I’m also currently reading a nonfiction book recommended to me by a counsellor titled “The Whole Brain Child”. Fascinating read, I highly recommend it to everyone who has to deal with anyone with a brain, more specifically parents, teachers and those working with the developing brain. Though, truthfully, it has implications for us all, not just those working with 25 y olds and younger. In it, it talks about neurological development, what is appropriate, what we’re capable and incapable of at certain ages. One thing that is common with youngsters and oldsters is if we’re having a moment that originates from the right-brain (emotions-based), then it requires a right-brain (emotions-based) response. For example:

Me: My life is so exhausting! I’ve got poop all over me, I haven’t showered in days, I’m always eating leftover scraps from the kids off the floor and I was practically eaten alive at work today by a gang of rabies-infested babies! (True story, almost, except they were grade 1 students).

A great response: That does sound really exhausting!

So, what my friend did instead was provide me with a left-brain (logic-based) response which NEVER soothes a right-brain situation even if they were 100% correct. The book talks about first connecting the right-brain emotion with a right-brain response, then and only then, the person feels understood/validated and can move forward to left-brain logic/reasoning. So, this has pretty big implications for me as a mom, teacher, wife, daughter… I’m sure you can also think of situations where your emotions were met with logic and the clashing couldn’t have been greater. Please share if you feel comfortable!